Nani?
by Fenris13
Summary: Whaaaat? Someone speaking another language? Joey can speak Japanese! Woah, that's so crazy man! Joey is very confused as to why his friends can't speak Japanese except for Kaiba and it is causing him great distress. Oneshot heavily implied Seto/Joey


Author's Note: All the Author's Notes (except for this one!) and Disclaimers are at the bottem, this one is just telling you that every parenthesis in the story that doesn't say 'A/N:' at the beginning is not an author's note.

Oh, and I don't know how to actually speak any of the languages here, and Google Translator is not that reliable, so if there are any icky nasty bad disgusting mistakes made that make you hurl, please feel free to send a PM, or better yet, a review (wink wink nudge nudge).

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"Joey! Jooooeeey! Hey, Earth to Joey!"

"Nani?" Joey said as he snapped out of his stupor.

"Dude, what's up, you were just–wait, what was that you just said?'

"Um, I said 'Nani?' What's wrong with that?"

Yugi blinked at Joey for a moment, the only noise coming from the usual cacophony of the student body during lunch.

Then Yugi flipped out.

"_You speak JAPANESE?!!"_

Joey was so confused.

"Well, yeah! You do too! And so does Tristan, Tea, Ryou, and Duke! And Kaiba for that matter. We're _all_ Japanese!"

"But your name is Joey!"

"Except when it's not! Sometimes I'm Katsuya Jounouchi. And what's that got to do with anything, anyway?! Are you saying people with names from one culture are not allowed to speak a language from another culture? I mean, seriously, your name is _Yugi Motou_, you seem to be able to speak English just fine!"

"Well, yeah, but I don't speak Japanese!"

Joey just looked at him, dumbfounded. "Yugi, you _embody_ Japanese! _Domino City_ is more than likely set in Japan, but I don't think even Kaiba knows for sure."

"It's true, Wheeler, I don't."

Joey nearly fell out of his chair.

"Jeez, dude! Warn a guy when you're about to do that! You freaked me out! Oh, and while you're over here, can you speak Japanese?"

"Hai. Und Deutsch*, Kai i̱ Elli̱nikí̱**, I russkiĭ***, och****..."

Kaiba continued babbling in several different languages, adopting different tones for each one. Joey suspected that not only had he learned them from the book, but he had spent significant amounts of time with the locals, learning how to truly speak the dialect. It was somewhat unsettling.

"...Et le français*****."

The gang all blinked at him, their mouths wide. It had sounded like he had named off every language known to mankind. Which is a lot.

Joey spoke first (A/N: saying as how he looooves Kaiba with a desperate passion), carefully ignoring that niggling feeling in the back of his head saying someone had just suggested something entirely implausible. Especially since he didn't. 'Cause he doesn't. Nuh-uh, no way in hell.

"Well, _damn_. I did not know you knew that many languages. How did you _learn_ all that so soon? What are you, eighteen, and you already know a bajillion languages?"

"Fifty-two."

"Why?"

"Business."

The way Kaiba said 'business' let everyone know not to ask any more about it as well as making them all uncomfortable the way an awkward silence does.

"Sooo...anyway, Honda...er, Tristan, you speak Japanese, right?"

"What? Iie, iie! Nihongo o hanashimasen!"

Joey just stared at him, his jaw dropping.

"But...but...that was Japanese right there!"

"Huh?"

"You just said! You just said 'I don't know how to speak Japanese' _in _JAPANESE!! What's _wrong with you people?!"_

Kaiba sniffed. Joey looked back at him with a frown.

"Well, except you."

"_Thank_ you."

"Even though it could just be your freaky business-genius know-how."

"Humph."

Joey looked back around at his friends.

"Anyway, Ryou, please tell me either you or Bakura can speak Japanese. Please."

Ryou shook his head.

"Sorry, Joey. I'm british, remember? And I'm sure that Bakura could spout something in Ancient Egyptian if you asked him nicely enough even if it would more than likely end with a few people in the shadow realm and a mysterious shortage of oranges in America for a good while, but I don't think he speaks Japanese."

Everyone stared at Bakura for a moment, Tea covering her lunch protectively, which consisted of a sandwich and mostly oranges. That orange whore.

"Mmmkay...Yugi, am I right in guessing Yami can't speak anything but English and Ancient Egyptian too?" Joey said after the oranges were either safely hidden or safely eaten.

Yugi nodded. "Yup. It's the same for him, though I doubt he would send too many people to the shadow realm–" Yugi suddenly coughed. Joey doubted anyone could hear it besides him–and maybe Kaiba, as Joey just noticed how close Kaiba had gotten–but that cough sounded mysteriously like, 'coughcoughAnzucough', but Joey decided to let it be.

"Hoo, excuse me, but I doubt he would send too many people to the shadow realm or deprive any countries of their fruit products."

Joey sighed as he realized that maybe he and Kaiba were all alone. Not literally! _Not literally!_ No, no, no, just alone in the sense that they were some of the only teens living in Domino city (because, you know, the Yugi gang plus the Kaiba brothers are the only teenagers in Domino), a city more than likely _in Japan, _who could speak Japanese. He was about ready to break down and cry.

"Anz–er...Tea?" She shook her head. Nope.

"O...tog...iii?" Everyone looked at him, confused. Huh?

Duke Devlin replied, "Who is this 'Otogi' guy of which you speak? Is someone here smaller than Yugi we never noticed before, or what?"

Joey felt like crying and gently rested his head on the table, his voice slightly muffled as he said, "Duke. Otogi is the Japanese version of your name. I am assuming you can't speak Japanese due to the fact that you didn't _recognize your own name_."

If Kaiba were less Kaiba and more 'emotional' (ew), he probably would have rubbed Joey's back out of pity, but instead decided to comfort the puppy his way and glare at everyone around the table.

"You guys suck." Tea spluttered.

"Wh-what?! It's not our fault we don't know Japanese!"

Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "You do realize you should know it, yes? You're character was _written_ in Japanese."

Everyone besides Joey stared at Kaiba strangely as they fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Dude, what're you _talkin'_ about?" Asked Tristan, breaking the awkward. Kaiba just shook his head and picked up Joey, slinging him over his shoulder as he stood.

"Nothing. I'm going home. See you losers later."

Joey didn't move very much. Everyone either expected to see him suddenly start kicking, demanding Kaiba 'put him _down_ damn it!', or maybe see a tranquilizer dart sticking out of Joey's neck with a tiny Kaiba Corp symbol on it, but much to their (A/N: and the fan girl's) disappointment, this doesn't happen. Instead, Joey's head rises, he looks around, noticing that he keeps moving even though his legs aren't, turns to see Kaiba and a look of realization dawns on him. Sighing, he puts on a disgruntled face, places his elbow on Kaiba's back, his hand on his cheek, and watches as his friends disappear from view since Kaiba has just rounded a corner.

Everyone at the table, Tea, Tristan, Duke, Yugi, (Yami is sulking in the puzzle and sleeping on the couch due to a fight with Yugi recently), Ryou, Bakura (who is extremely smug that _he_ gets sex with _his_ Hikari and that stupid pharoah _doesn't_), all look on it shocked silence and more than a little awe.

"Nani?"

* * *

*-German **-Greek ***-Russian ****-Swedish *****-French

Oh ho ho ho ho...I wonder who said that? We all know it was _someone_ in the Yugi gang, but _who..._ Hmmm...'tis a mystery! This is a crack fiction. Sora. Not as funny as, say my Harry Potter crack fiction, but this was basically a plot bunny that was only good for a one shot. So, thank you for reading, because if you got down here, I can only assume that you read it! Please Review! They make me happy, and I write more crack, and we have more laughs, and you leave more reviews, an almost endless cycle of awesome sauce.

DISclaimer~!: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! I just mess with their characters, making them think that if they are in the English Dub, they cannot speak Japanese! Except for Joey. Poor, poor Joey. And you all know Kaiba would be multilingual, I mean, come _on_. He is a business man. You'd think he'd need to be able to speak the language of the country he is shipping to. D: It works, damn it.

Thanks again!


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